Quarrelsome chatter
draws me outdoors to observe
three noisy sparrows
angrily fluttering wings
in a timeless mating dance.
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About Me
- Catherine Mackie
- Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
- I am a white African. Contradiction in terms? I think not. Sometimes my blog will be serious; sometimes sad; sometimes irreverent; sometimes witty; always my truth simply written.
Ah, the eternal triangle. I don't know much about the tanka (or other poetic forms, for that matter), but this works for me. I can see and hear this courtship. Welcome to One Shot.
ReplyDeletethe angry mating dancing...the fight between fear of the unknown and the desire...i like the tension in this...
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by and your comments. Much appreciated. I have changed the line 4th line as I realised that my syllable count was out. Hope it still works.
ReplyDeleteSounds like there was some competition going on there! Neat One Shot, Catherine!
ReplyDeletetimeless ... good one. I liked it...
ReplyDeleteॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
The really intruging line in this is "draws me outdoors." Nice one.
ReplyDeleteSparrows? In a menage a trois? Who would have guessed?
ReplyDeleteThey were a really excited trio... Jabbering louder and faster than an auctioneer at a cattle auction... Thanks for stopping by everyone and, more especially, taking the time to comment.
ReplyDeletei am a avid bird lover...so this grabbed my attention and set my mind wandering...thanks...pete
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Pete. Appreciate it.
ReplyDelete